Happy Freddie (Last)

I didn't inform Freddie about the meeting. I thought I'd let him worry about the game plan for once. No harm done. Things worked out fine.

RQV withdrew his plan to ram the amendments down the throat of MSS, saying that he had consulted the matter with his "legal friends." Freddie quoted to me most of what RQV said during the meeting, and I recognized a lot of my own words there. As I said, we shared a laugh when I told him what happened that morning. "Legal friends," indeed.

"I knew you were the key to this problem," Freddie said, his voice so very jovial.

"Yeah, well, I couldn't very well go up to him and say, Look, this is the situation," I replied, tingling all over with warmth. "The problem is, you don't talk to the guy. Maybe you need to build him up a bit, instead of locking horns with him."

"I don't have your charms, Emyn."

"You don't try hard enough. Next time, build him up and, you know, kiss ass a little. He's an old guy. He doesn't need a younger guy in his face all the time."

"That's why I invited him to join the SC. He accepted."

That's my boy. Thinking for himself. Sometimes he really comes through with flying colors.

I'm happy. I made Freddie's day.

I made things happen the way he wanted them to happen and he was happy. We shared a laugh over the phone and his voice was happy. He was chummy and sweet. He thanked me "for the groundwork."

He was happy. And I'm happy to have had a hand in that.

Happy Freddie (3)

The Day of the Board Meeting
I was thinking of Freddie all day. The Board meeting usually starts at 12 noon. The Directors and officers take lunch, then discuss matters on the agenda till three or four in the afternoon. Anyway, at around 10.30 in the morning, I receive a call from the MSS secretary who said RQV wanted to confirm if I was available for a meeting after the Board meeting. Of course, I said yes, as I had a feeling this was going to be about the MSS C&BL.

I sent Freddie a text message informing him of this appointment and requested that he inform me of what transpired during the meeting so I know how to proceed. In four seconds flat, my phone rang. It was Freddie. We talked a bit and wished each other luck.

Half an hour later, RQV was at my office requesting for a meeting. The secretary had it all wrong: RQV wanted to see me before the Board meeting, not after.

I was at a loss. For a split second there, I felt like panicking. But I gained my momentum back in a millisecond. The general was nowhere to be seen, so the political adviser has to confront the situation and gain an advantage for the general in battle.

To make a long story short (or shorter), I was able to make RQV see the folly of his ways. I pointed out to him that the Board can control the medical staff better and with legal, binding effect through official issuances called Board resolutions; that these issuances give the Board an advantage over the MSS as Board resolutions indicate the exercise of management prerogative, a more powerful right than the right to organize, should things come to a head. Moreover, the only way to go around the current C&BL was to dissolve the MSS and put up another organization in its place. Messy.

I explained to him that should the Board insist on interfering with the MSS, it would have a right of action against the hospital based on abuse of discretion and, thus, a course of action through certiorari proceedings. He listened very intently.

In the end, he admitted that issuing resolutions and coming up with policies and procedures for the medical staff was the best way to go, and that the Board should forget about the MSS and start acting like a Board.

I took the opportunity and volunteered the SC's assistance in drafting the policies, considering that it had already started on the service agreement and code of conduct. In fact, I pointed out, the SC cannot possibly proceed with the project without clear policies from the Board regarding all aspects concerning the medical staff.

Although I wanted Freddie to work on this and win the battle, the opportunity has presented itself and I could not let it pass.

To be continued...
P.S. The above should be read tongue-in-cheek. My goodness, what corny language! :P

Happy Freddie (2)

Four weeks to go
We reviewed the sentiments of the individual Board members. Four, incuding my boss, tended to see it Freddie's way: the MSS is an independent organization and should not be meddled with for purposes of control and supervision. The other five members, including the Chairman, saw the MSS as falling under the Board's control. And what was alarming was that RQV planned to push his proposed amendments to the C&BL and was all set to put it to a vote at the next Board meeting. There was, however, a possible swing vote. One of the five could be swayed to change his mind.

The obvious thing to do was to stall during the next Board meeting, which is a monthly thing. I made it clear to Freddie that it was all up to him. He finally came up with the right idea: press the Board to define once and for all the relationship between the hospital and the MSS before acting on the question of the amendments. I pointed out to him that it was imperative that the Board understood that no action should be taken on the latter issue as long as the former remained unresolved.

Most importantly, this should all take place toward the end of the meeting, when everyone's too tired to take up anything so (relatively) complicated. Should the issue not be brought up at all, Freddie has to bring it up himself. I insisted: timing was everything.

We had four weeks to go till the next Board meeting.

One week to go
Last week, Freddie came back with the news that RQV was intent on railroading his amendments to the C&BL with the support of the Board Chairman, and that, in fact, RQV had announced during the MSS regular meeting the proposed amendment and the Board's approval of the same.

The result was pandemonium, as one could well imagine. The obvious issue from the MSS' point of view was interference in its affairs from the Board. Clearly, the members also viewed the MSS as extraneous to the hospital's organizational structure, and as such, beyond the Board's reach.

Five days to go
We decided to take the Sub-Committee (SC) into the fray. Freddie and I head this group working on a service contract between the hospital and the doctors, and a code of conduct for the doctors. We have six very active doctors participating in the project, most of them heads of a medical department in the hospital. Although the SC does not really have any personality to confront the Board with the issue involving the MSS, it could oppose RQV's plans as detrimental to the work we have already started. Plus, we could take the stand that, since the SC was also working on building a more professional and open relationship between the hospital and the medical staff, this plan would easily undermine whatever footholds we've already gained.

The Battle Plan
After much venting of frustrations, I suggested the following:

1. Doctors to make a list of all issues affecting them as members of the medical staff of the hospital.


2. Doctors to set a meeting with the Board en banc and present the list to them, requesting clear-cut policies on the issues. (Actually, it was Freddie's idea to meet with the Board en banc because of the swing vote. He can be good at this, in fairness, but someone has to kick it off for him, then he takes over. He still needs to develop the mean bones in his body. Ironic, considering he's an orthopedic surgeon. :P )


3. Freddie to volunteer the services of the SC to draft the policies.

The objective was to overwhelm the Board with so many complicated problems requiring urgent answers that, once presented with the way out, i.e., the SC, the Board would grab it at the first opportunity. (Like I mentioned earlier, this is a Board that has no sense of its full power as a Board.) The Board gets off the hook and heaves a sigh of relief; the SC gets to control policy-making. Everybody happy. (Especially me.)

It was a good plan. A logical plan. I liked it. I was so very proud of myself.

Unfortunately, there was no chance to test it.

To be continued...

Happy Freddie (1)

I'm happy. I made Freddie's day.

I made things happen the way he wanted them to happen and he was happy. We shared a laugh over the phone and his voice was happy. He was chummy and sweet. He thanked me "for the groundwork."

He was happy. And I had a hand in that.

CUE IN MUSIC: FLASHBACK

This hospital where I work in is not a small hospital in any sense of the word. it's not as big as the big hospitals in Metro Manila but it's not a small one, either. It has a Board of Directors and officers, jsut like the Corporation Code prescribes. Freddy is an officer, and as such, he does not have voting rights. Only Directors have voting rights.

This Board does not know how to act like a Board. It does not document its actions in the form of resolutions. It does issue resolutions but not all its actions are documented. For another thing, it has no sense of its power as a decision-maker and policy-maker. It is at present being confronted with a classic issue that I'm sure a lot of hospitals have problems dealing with: the doctors.

UNDER MUSIC: "THEME FROM JAWS" WHILE CUEING IN
SFX: CROWD GOING "OOOOOH."
UP MUSIC, HOLD, FADE UNDER & OUT.

Sometime in the late 90s, the Board decided to organize the medical staff with the main purpose of controlling the doctors' behavior within the hospital. It created the Medical Staff Society (MSS) and had the body ratify a constitution and by-laws (C&BL). From the very start, however, the Board has always treated the doctors with kid gloves.

It's quite understandable to treat doctors deferentially when you're just starting out as a five-bed hospital. But when you have a hundred and twenty-five bed-capacity going on two hundred, that's another thing altogether. Unfortunately, this the Board still has to realize.

The MSS, thus, evolved as an organization extraneous to the hospital's organizational structure. It became a professional society, but oftentimes, it comported itself as a mere social club, as is usually the case with these organizations. Anyway, suffice it to say that the primary purpose for the MSS was never realized.

Now, here comes RQV, a doctor and Director of the Board. He's the author of the original C&BL and has protected that docuemnt since its ratification. A frustrated lawyer, RQV has tinkered with that C&BL for months now, dragging me into the process. (He feels he and I are kindred spirits since I have a law degree and he -- well, he's always wanted one.)

What RQV wants is to introduce stronger provisions that would allow stronger control by the Board over the medical staff.

This is a Director of the Board. He wants the Board to exercise control over the doctors. And he wants to do it through a document that regulates the behavior of the members of an organization within that organization.

This is what I mean when I say that this Board does not know how to act like a Board. It issues resolutions now and again, but it does not know how to use its power of issuing resolutions. So, you want to regulate the medical staff? Why not issue policies and procedures to be followed by every doctor who wants to practice in the hospital?

Forget about the MSS and its C&BL.

Let's look at the inherent problems.

The amendment
One of the proposed changes allows the Board to introduce amendments to the C&BL without being ratified by the MSS. This alone will antagonize the entire medical staff. Another problem is having this particular amendment passed. The current C&BL holds sway at present and it provides that all amendments must be ratified by the body before it can take effect. How can the Board insert this amendment in the present C&BL without going through the MSS?

Freddie came to me four weeks ago with this issue, a few days before the Board meeting. My recommendation was to have the Board define the relationship between the itself and the MSS. A week later, he came back to report that the issue was taken up but no official resolution was passed on the relationship. I took him to task that time, reminding him that without that official statement, things will remain as murky as ever. He was quiet.

To be continued...

Sensibility?

Emyn,

I hope you are doing ok. I have been thinking about you on and off over these days, which have been so very hard for me to work through. I continue to very much want to talk to you about us and how I have been in our relationship and whether I was ok for you and whether you think we have a future.

I also have to ask you a mundane question: will you consider still working with me?

Love,

CDS

---

Hi. How've you been? I hope that therapy is working out for you.

Working relationship? Yes, I intend to continue working with you and learning in the process.

How have you been in our relationship? It wasn't exactly a romantic relationship. My impression was that you weren't a romantic guy; that your career was the more important aspect of your life. But then, I was thinking that it was because you were torn in two. So, you're right, you weren't your true self -- or your entire true self. I don't think you were untrue to me. Just not entirely there.

Do we have a future? I so very much want to believe that we do. I don't want to turn my back on something that I so very much want to work.

I'll come see you on the 9th. That's a Saturday. xxx is my new number. But please don't call. There are a lot of things on my calendar that I have to finish. I don't want to deal with something I can't do anything about right now. I'm sure you understand.

Sense...

It looks like I will arrive on 9/2, late. Would you be willing to come to Manila?

Hope you are keeping your spirits up.

CDS

---

Yes, I will come. I miss you. Very much.

Emyn

---

I've missed you as well. Would you send me your new phone number?

CDS

---

I don't know about that. In fact, I don't know where I stand with you anymore. I don't know why I should come to Manila when you arrive. I'd come to talk but I don't know why you would want me to come. I don't know what to expect.

Emyn

---

You make a good point and I don't blame you. Please do come to talk. I have things I want you to understand that I have learned through all of this. It seems only fair to both of us. Once we have talked, perhaps you will know what to expect, perhaps we both will. I can see you are re-thinking things and that is important. But, I hope you won't just leave the relationship without first meeting me.

This has been very hard, I know. I am sorry for that. You are important to me. And, I do miss you.

CDS

---

Emyn,

I went to bed thinking about your message and my response.

Please know that I do care about you very much. I do love you. I just feel the need to explain some insights about me and be sure that you understand how I created my current problems, because I am unsure whether some of the same behaviors were also working out in our relationship. I don't have good perspective right now and need to see you, look you in the eyes and talk to know whether we are ok too. I know this is obscure, but I am trying not to say in things better done in person.

Does this make sense?

CDS

Nobody knows...

Boy, this is hard. I fear writing to you is unfair because you are in such pain. I am in pain just feeling what you are going through. I am in pain because of what I am going through. I don't like ambiguity when it comes to relationships, yet this one of the key lessons of my life now: to accept it.

I feel very responsible for having pulled into the circle where all this confusion and hurt exists. I want to make it better in the worst way. Part of my distorted thinking was the rationalization that I could just carry on with you without having an honorable resolution to my relationship with my wife, my life partner for all these years. It wasn't fair to her, nor to you. I was a coward in that I couldn't face the shame of a failed marriage and a broken home for my children. I had vowed this would never be my fate because of what my parents did to me. I buried the need to avoid facing this possible shame so deep I was able to rationalize having my cake and eating it too. There was nothing wrong with meeting you for sex the first time. But, from that point forward I should have been honest because I knew what my relationship with my wife was doing to me and her. But, I wouldn't even allow into my consciousness the violation to my own values and principles due to my behavior. I ignored the reality of how much I was violating the relationship I had with my family and their expectations of me.

Please hear/see this very clearly, my dear: I love you. We are each others'. I don't know what that means in the long run, but we have shared/communed more than our bodies now and "friend for life" doesn't feel adequate to describe it. I would love to just roll in your embrace and be in that state of commune right now. It hurts to know that I can't - we can't - for the time being. For, I need now to do the honorable thing, which is to spend time, guided by a therapist, to sort out what there can be in a relationship for my wife and me. This is truly an ambiguous time. I know clearly that she and I have always shared and still do share spiritual and daily living values, a sense of aesthetics and of what constitutes friendship and community, parenthood and grandparenthood someday. But, I am very clear that we have never shared personality interests like recreation, travel, sport, physical expression. She was always a good and spiritually valuable choice as a mate, but not really what I wanted. We would have had to have shared all of the above for it to be a "want" and not just a "good". I never could get over my own shame to admit this. I now know the reasons why (but that is another discussion). All this I need to explore further, with her and for her as well as for me, so that we can arrive at what we will keep and what we will change going forward.

Emyn, I don't know for sure if all these insights will hold or develop further. I do know that it is my primary task in the coming weeks to get to the bottom of it all and to a resolution of it all. Until then, I won't be in a position to be more definitive with you.

I do know this - and want you to hear/see this too: What we have had, lives with me still and does not feel like the past. It does not feel false, even though the timing and context were not right. I do not feel that our path together has ended, nor that we even know where it goes. Can you stay in this ambiguous place and wait for me to take care of my stuff in the meantime? I can understand if you can't. I wish I wasn't asking this of you. I wish I hadn't rationalized my way into a fucked up reality that has caught you off guard. I am keeping you in my thoughts and heart and sending you peace and light. I beg you not to lose hope or optimism about you life and opportunities. No matter what, I will be in your corner.

Love,

CDS

(p.s. please send me your new phone number. Please feel free to tell me not to use it until you are ready. I won't burden you with more messages until then. And, I only risked this one because I thought it might help.)

---

I will wait.

Emyn

Where it ends...

Emyn,

I have tried to send you short text messages to say that I have been thinking of you and hope you are ok. They all get returned undelivered. I am unsure what addresses to use, whether your phone number still works or whatever.

I hope you haven't decided to shut me out. I know that I upset you a lot when I shared with you just how things blew up for me here. I didn't mean to convey any blame or cause to you. I value our time together. I just see now that I have been operating with some distorted thinking and want to explore with you - when the time is right - whether this has in any way colored our relationship. I don't know if it has, but I think talking through some insights about myself will help you and I see if there is anything to this and how to clean it out of our relationship, so to speak. I don't want to be less than real with you.

my thoughts are with you,

CDS

---

My dearest,

I'm of two minds about resuming communication with you -- until the right time, which I don't know when, comes. I miss you so terribly, it's actually a physical pain I feel when I think of you. It feels like my insides are all twisted and won't come undone.

Anyway.

If you've been sending messages to my fone, I've changed my cp provider. I did tell you before you left that I'd switch to Globe. I already have. I did receive your text message yesterday at this email address and it made me want to cry. Honestly, I don't want to deal with this right now. My fear is so great, it overwhelms me. I want very much to run into your arms and hold you tight and ask you if you're still mine. Or whether you were really mine, even for just a brief moment.

I can't do this. It hurts too much.