To meet or not to meet...(2)

It's Saturday, the second day of this fiasco. I'm with Cliff in Makati for the weekend and I receive a text message on my phone from VG confirming the Monday meeting. I reiterated that the meeting was to be on Tuesday and that Freddie had already promised to attend. The reply came back after a few minutes: There was no need for Freddie's presence at the meeting. I replied: The issue concerns the entire committee and, thus, requires the presence of the entire membership.

The exchange gets interesting from this point onwards:

VG: The problem concerns only a few of the members. Freddie doesn't need to be at the meeting. Let's just have it on Monday.

Me: I don't feel comfortable limiting the discussion to a small group within the Committee. I really think all the members should be present, including the chair.

VG: It doesn't have to be so formal, just the members concerned. Don't worry, we're not looking for a fight.

Me: Interesting that you should think I'm worried about a confrontation. I'm simply saying that if this is really a committee issue, the entire membership should be involved in resolving this.

VG: I just don't want you to be bothered by all this. Ok, I'm not arguing about this anymore. See you at work.

All this time, Cliff was coaching me on how to handle the situation. Valuable lessons learned:

1. Persist. Use your opponent's arguments against him.
2. Never introduce new threads of arguments as they can be used against you and diffuse your power over your opponent.
3. Use fear to gain an advantage over your opponent.

To be continued...

Email exchange 2: Cliff

From Cliff

Yeah but... here's the thing. The closeness I felt was yours. The warmth I feel here is the familiar and the completeness of it all as a whole life. But there is stress and the stress is more obvious to me all the time. This "completeness" is one of home, friends, community, and all the trappings. But it is flawed and there is tension in that. There is no sexual spark, no passion, no driven energy to connect and release. And there is the long running set of discontinuities of style that were just differences to embrace until the romance went away. Now there is effort and strain and sighs. Am I lonely? No. But I am distressed and confused and I don't like it and don't know what I am doing about it.

So, though I rest here I am not at rest. The I am here, my heart is all over the place. And I do not feel secure and warm all over, I merely feel on familiar ground and there is some comfort in that, but I wouldn't call it security.

I am so sorry you are so lonely. I think I am causing that to get more acute, am I not?

I am processing in public and perhaps that is too much information. For now, I shall go percolate quietly and try to avoid being too transparent because it is becoming more obvious to others and I am not ready for it.

Your hormones are pardoned. The thought of them makes me lusty.

Cliff

From me

Yes, you are distressed and I feel bad that I can't remedy that. I received your text message this morning as I was getting ready for work. Do you contribute to my loneliness? It was already there when I met you; I don't think you make it any worse. I'm happy when I can spend some time with you, outside of my lonely universe. I create a parallel universe with you in it and in that universe, I'm happy, secure, warm, loved, and able to love completely.

Yes, completely. I complete my own universe. I play and fight and love on my own rules. And so, I live on my own rules. Does this mean I don't need you? No, it means much more than that. It means that, because you believe in me, I am able to formulate a meaning for myself and work to complete that meaning, whether or not you are in that world where the meaning is played out.

I believe that is what is called the power of love.

My hormones thank you for your consideration, although they are being pretty hard on me lately. It feels more and more difficult to have my period every time.

Miss you lots.

Emyn

To meet or not to meet...(1)

Interesting how people cope with change. If you're not careful, you can really be defeated by even the most timid of men.

I've been in Riverside General for almost five months now and I thought that I was going about my business unobtrusively, schmoozing every inch of the way. I tell you, it can be really tiring. And I mean, bone tiring.

The whole thing started with, of all people, my boss.

The conspiracy that I thought existed between my boss and myself does not exist. When I thought that he had bought my proposition to keep Lucy busy to get her out of my hair, I thought wrong. I suppose he thought he could play the manipulation game but later on, realized he couldn't. I could have lived with that; he is, after all, my boss and I should adjust my management style according to his -- up to a point, of course. But what I find greatly disturbing is that this guy didn't come up to me and tell me to my face that he was not playing the game anymore.

What my CEO does is to seek out VG ad RDG, two members of the Quality Assurance Committee (the top management team, of which I am a member), and ask them why there was a need to keep things from each other. This guy mentions the memo I sent to him, notifying him of the schedule of the nurses' charting project, hoping to convey the message that he should consider the schedule in assigning work to Luzy. Hint, hint. Apparently, the hints worked. Problem is, they worked too well.

So VG approaches me one Friday evening as I got ready to pack up and leave, and tells me of a Committee meeting the coming Monday. When I asked what the agenda was, he could only murmur that I would know by Monday.

Uh, hello? Anything there in your cranial cavity? You call for a meeting and keep the agenda secret?

Of course, my spider senses told me that something was brewing. After much pressing and questioning, VG finally let slip that it was about "how the committee conducted its business."

Aha.

So it came out that the CEO had asked him about these manipulations and machinations among its members, keeping things secret from each other, etc., etc. I thought I was surrised that my CEO could take this up with other people instead of me, especially when the issue about Lucy was told him in the strictest confidence, but I was appalled when VG said that the CEO cited a memo detailing plans to keep committee projects secret. And that RDG was told about this as well.

Aha, aha.

Upon cross examination, vG admitted to not having read the memo for himself, or even having seen it. And to his knowledge, neither had RDG. And so, the question was asked: Do we call a meeting on an allegation that is mere hearsay? Of course, I did not admit to knowing anything about a memo. But I was genuinely taken aback when VG said that the CEO had answered the memo! To whom it was addressed, VG could not say.

Could it have been my memo? Apparently not, as I had not received a reply.

VG reiterated his request that I confirm my attendance at the meeting that coming Monday. I asked who had confirmed. It was only a small group: RDG, VG, Lucy, Mega, and LLB. The obvious question was raised: why not the entire committee? The issue clearly affects the entire membership so why restrict the discussion to a small group? VG had no answer, except that the issue did not require the presence of the entire membership.

My spider senses were really alert now. A roasting session? Maddie on trial? Interesting.

After more grueling questions, VG disclosed that it was Lucy who actually wanted to meet.

Aha, aha, aha!

And both VG and RDG thought holding the meeting off-site was a good idea -- at Lucy's resthouse somewhere in the boondocks. What an idiotic idea. I pointed out to VG that if this is Lucy's issue, then I wouldn't want to have the meeting at her place; it would be better to hold it on neutral ground. And it would be best for all concerned to air the issue before the entire membership. I offered to inform Freddie.

At this, VG became very agitated and adamantly protested that it was not necessary to involve the others, especially Freddie. Of course, I insisted that since this was a committee issue, the committee should resolve the matter. I set the meeting on the coming Tuesday, after the 8.30 a.m. meeting of the Facilities Committee in which Freddie and Myles were members.

I left VG looking very distressed indeed.

(To be continued...)

The Executive Meeting

The Quality Assurance Committee sat with the CEO a few weeks ago in an executive meeting where the Committee reported on its achievements and on-going projects, outlined its proposed activities. Actually, the report of the Improving Performance Group, which I co-chair with Freddie, made up for the bulk of the reports. (Applause, applause!)

LLB and I previously had a private meeting and agreed to oust Mega as a speaker from the quality policy orientation as he has this tendency to hold court as if there were no tomorrow. Besides, he was not a well-liked character, being arrogant and power-hungry, a true megalomaniac. Hence, the name. He is the proverbial fly on the carabao's back who thought he was the greatest just because he was atop a great beast of burden.

So, when the topic of the orientation came up, LLB introduced the suggestion that the seminar give a more general view of the quality assurance movement in the hospital instead of focusing on the details of government standards and regulations as these could be addressed in another seminar. The objective was to give the employees the big picture and spark enthusiasm for change toward quality service. Myles picked it up, citing the length of the presentations which could be significantly shortened to maintain the interest and attention of the participants.

I quickly seconded Myles and suggested that more time be given to the proposed group activity which unfortunately had to be dropped during the last batch who attended the seminar due to lack of time. I cited the documented finding that the previous batches responded well to Freddie's talk because he used a group activity as a pre-cursor to his topic.

And then, the death blow.

I suggested that Mega's topic be consolidated with that of LLB's, if that was alright with Mega. In front of the CEO and Dr. P, what else could he say? Of course, I suggested that other presentations be shortened as well, including that of the nurses who did a mere reading exercise of the government standards. But Mega was out and that was a big relief. At least, even if RDG and VG were boring, untalented speakers, the participants were assured that the speakers were people they did not hate.

Email exchange: Cliff

From me:

Now, why would I find it relevant, this gorgeous woman asking a complete nerd out on a date?

I've just come from a meeting with the clinical risk management team, a group of doctors who we (the Committee) expect to stand in as a risk management team for the clinical aspect of the hospital operations. What a complete disappointment. We started talking about standards of care and things went swimmingly; then we started to talk about performance evaluation of doctors and all hell broke loose. Well, maybe not all hell but they certainly put up with a lot of resistance. Well, maybe not all of them. half of them did, especially the fat, ugly, oily-faced guy in the corner who probably thought he was something of a person. He was an all-blustering obstacle to change if I ever saw one. And damn ugly too. It took a lot for me to stop from throwing my shoes at him.

And did I mention he was an ugly sonavabitch?

I am so tired. I've been baby-sitting departments for two days now, seeing them through the first steps of a gap analysis. People are so damn lazy. They don't want to think; they want me to do everything for them. Of course, I don't but it takes a lot of hard work to get them to think and confident that they can think on their own.

I went jogging yesterday morning. That was cool. And then in the afternoon, from 6.30 to 7.45 in evening, I finally got to use the racket you gave me for Xmas. It was so light! It actually made a difference. I played well enough, I guess, but I still was the comic relief on the court. Anyway, this morning, I felt such pain in my muscles I couldn't get up.

Duh.

I miss you. Very much.

Emyn

From Cliff:

Well, think of it for a second, Emyn.... you have just come from a meeting with the clinical risk management team in which you essentially asked them to join you in a gorgeous venture (date?) and these complete nerds couldn't believe in it. See?

Or, maybe you got it completely and were just pulling my leg by drawing no obvious connection but front ending your story of ugly (even oily faced) defensiveness on the part of well educated men to the overture of a leggy and forward woman.

Fat, ugly, oily, arrogant, obtuse, resistant. What a great combination of attributes! I am not sure throwing your shoes would be the right solution. Taking them off and pounding the toxic insects into the floorboards might have been better, because I am sure you were describing a cockroach.

Anyway, glad to hear I am not the only one to make your legs too sore to walk. Gawd, we had fun, eh?

I am sure your technique on the court will improve with practice. Proud of you for running, I am.

I miss you too. I miss me as well. I still feel like I am somewhere between dimensions. Home is awfully nice. The closeness is awfully nice too. The conversations we had were dizzying. The clear and deep blue sky and crisp air have been a relief. The dog was so goddam happy to find out I wasn't gone for good after all. The women of my life here have been so attentive and playful. And, I have an image of you walking away from the hotel looking focused and alone. I felt so there. I feel so here. I have slept better than I have in a month, but need more. Maybe I will be happier and more sanguine about all the funny incongruities of my life when I rest up some more.

In the meantime, you keep kicking 'em in the shins over there, girl. I look forward to the next installment of "Emyn Galad, Quality Warrior of Pluto!" when next we meet in cyberspace.

Ciao,

Cliff

I did feel focused and alone. With all the successes and the fun I've been having at work, I still feel so unfulfilled. Damn genetic memory!