Where it ends...

Emyn,

I have tried to send you short text messages to say that I have been thinking of you and hope you are ok. They all get returned undelivered. I am unsure what addresses to use, whether your phone number still works or whatever.

I hope you haven't decided to shut me out. I know that I upset you a lot when I shared with you just how things blew up for me here. I didn't mean to convey any blame or cause to you. I value our time together. I just see now that I have been operating with some distorted thinking and want to explore with you - when the time is right - whether this has in any way colored our relationship. I don't know if it has, but I think talking through some insights about myself will help you and I see if there is anything to this and how to clean it out of our relationship, so to speak. I don't want to be less than real with you.

my thoughts are with you,

CDS

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My dearest,

I'm of two minds about resuming communication with you -- until the right time, which I don't know when, comes. I miss you so terribly, it's actually a physical pain I feel when I think of you. It feels like my insides are all twisted and won't come undone.

Anyway.

If you've been sending messages to my fone, I've changed my cp provider. I did tell you before you left that I'd switch to Globe. I already have. I did receive your text message yesterday at this email address and it made me want to cry. Honestly, I don't want to deal with this right now. My fear is so great, it overwhelms me. I want very much to run into your arms and hold you tight and ask you if you're still mine. Or whether you were really mine, even for just a brief moment.

I can't do this. It hurts too much.