Embrace

What is it about sex that keeps me coming back for more?

It is the enveloping embrace of a man that hides me from view.

Such an embrace hides me from the world. It gives me a feeling of security, of safety; it is a refuge from all that is hurtful and false.

That is what a man's body gives me.

Never mind that the assurance is itself false.

It's strange that I cringe from the world because of the pain that it gives me, when I find such solace in the almost painful sensation of penetration. There is that briefest of moments when my body resists a man's entry into it and then finally surrenders. All consciousness collapses into a disoriented reality, aware only of the need to move as one, to become one.

Sadly, the moment stubbornly remains on the physical plane, the metaphysical resisting all efforts at realization.

The human body is the instrument by which I reach this doorway into a possible communion with another. It is, unfortunately, the one thing that bars me from entering into that domain.

The physical alone cannot take me there. It requires that most elusive and ethereal of all elements: love. So, although sex in itself provides me with a sense of being needed and appreciated, only love can cut the chains that bind me to the corporeal.

Love, simply put, is that truth that you find when you lose yourself in another.

When a man confesses to the world that, although he may have many regrets in his life, his decision to marry his wife is something that he has never and will never regret, that is truth. It is the truth of a good man that can never be shaken and disproved.

A child is also a truth. For a woman, there can be no stronger truth than her child. That is the most tangible of truths.

In the end, it is not sex that keeps me coming back for more. It is, rather, the glimpse of the truth that tantalizes me so. I have many truths in my life, but those that arise from communion with another seem to me to be the most desirable and elusive.

I am on a journey, then, no longer of self-discovery, for I have reached that destination. The road has taken a turn; it has led me to a quest for truth.