Too much, too soon

I assume too much and, based on my assumptions, proceed to love too much. Then, when I get hurt, I take it out on whomever I presume to be at fault.

Freddy and I work together on several projects at the hospital. I assumed that because he shares with me events that involve these projects, he understood the rules of teamwork: coordination and sharing of information on a real-time basis.

I was, of course, mistaken.

On hindsight, all the information Freddy shared with me were updates on events that highlighted his own participation. You know, the important stuff. Recently, I discovered that things occurred in a certain project that we were both overseeing, events that Freddy experienced first hand but never shared with me. I found out the same time the members of the team did: during a meeting wherein Freddy gave updates.

I was hurt. I expected to be treated differently from the members because I assumed that Freddy regarded me as an equal, a partner, a special someone. I confronted him after the meeting, asking why I wasn't informed well beforehand. His argument was that it was just a small matter and he expected the "glitch" in the project to be resolved.

Of course, it was not.

I pointed out to him that I was doing the groundwork, that it wasn't like he was at the hospital all the time to capture any golden opportunity to sell whatever it was that needed selling. It took all I had to keep from saying to his face that I did the dirty work so he could reap all the glory, and that I deserved better treatment.

His argument: he didn't know that he had to "report every little detail" to me.

I had to clarify that it was coordination and info sharing that I wanted, and that I was not demanding that he "report" to me.

Why are guys so obtuse?

When we exited the room, he acted as if nothing happened and joked with everybody around. I was so pissed, I left him there without saying goodbye or reminding of that afternoon's meeting.

Before people came in for that meeting, I gave it another try.

Me: Look. I just have to get this out of the way. The reason why I was so pissed this morning was because of two reasons: one, I'm a control freak and have to know everything; two, I was working on the assumption that you and I are a team.

Freddy: We are a team!

Me: No, wait. We never really talked about how we were going to work together. There are two ways of going about this. We can work as a team and coordinate closely, or I could just hand off the project to you.

Freddy: I just supposed that the problem was too unimportant. And I was hoping that the guys would resolve the problem on their own. I didn't--

Me: No, but that's just the point. No information is too small to share with me.

Freddy: But I do inform you of things. After every Board meeting, I tell you what transpired, right?

Me: Yes, you do! But why didn't you tell me about this glitch in the ___ Office? I was monitoring the project; I should have known about this glitch when you got to know about it, not along with the members of the sub-committee, weeks after!

Freddy: (stiffly) I apologize. I didn't know that.

Me: So now, the question: which works for you?

Freddy: Well, if you think that that's the best thing to do, then thats' the best thing to do.

Me: No, the question is simple. What do you think works best for you? What do you think will work best given the hospital's culture? Don't think about what I think is best! I can't impose my own values on you.

Freddy: I don't understand.

At that moment, the others started arriving so I said we'd talk about it later, thinking that Freddy'd stay till later. Of course, he didn't; he left at 3 p.m. for another meeting. Which was funny because all along, when the meeting was set, we agreed that it would be an entire afternoon's work.

I felt really bad about it because I went out of my way to buy his favorite pancit (noodles) and diet soda. I went out at noon, braved the midday sun, and bought food when you would never, never see me doing anything as menial as that. And he leaves just like that, without even partaking of the meal. If he wanted to hurt me, he did. Big time.

Gripe, gripe, gripe.

I deserve it. All of it. Freddy is not an extension of me. I cannot demand and expect that he treat me as his alter ego. I am in no position to demand more than what he gives me. Obviously, he still has a lot to learn about communication and teamwork.

Overall, I assumed too much and I demanded too much, too soon.