Memos from out there

Heaven Inc.
MEMO
To: YOU
From: GOD
CC: Everybody
Date: 6/30/2006
Re: YOURSELF

I am GOD. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic; don’t despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege. Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for years. Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what it’s like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children. Should your car break down leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine. Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose, be thankful. There are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

Should you decide to send this to a friend; thank you. You may have touched their life in ways you will never know.

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Emyn Galad's Universe Unlimited
Memo
To: The entity they call GOD
From: Emyn Galad
CC: Everybody
Date: 6/30/2006
Re: Reply to "YOURSELF"

I am EMYN GALAD. Today I will be handling all of my problems. Please remember that I do not need your supposed help. If life happens to deliver a situation that I cannot seem to handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly keep your hands out of my affairs. All situations will be resolved, but in MY time, not yours, thank you very much. Once the matter is in my hands, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your own universe; you know, like all those who believe in your alleged power.

If I find myself stuck in traffic, don’t despair; I enjoy being stuck in traffic because I see all kinds of behavior that people like to engage in inside motor vehicles. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege. Should I have a bad day at work, I’ll think of the fact that women need to exert double the effort to be considered equal to men; fortunately, this is not difficult. Should a relationship go bad, I’ll think of the extremely bad karma owing the son of a bitch who dared cross me. That will definitely make my day.

Should I notice a new gray hair in the mirror, I’ll consider myself extremely luck not to have a husband who exercises sex-on-demand and four or five kids who think the universe revolves around them. In which case, I can go directly to the salon for hair treatment and not feel guilty about it, unlike other women who think that their idiotic decision to have a family should be on my head.

Should I find myself at a loss and pondering what life is all about, asking what my purpose is, I shall remember to take a break from whatever it is that is giving me all this bad vibe, go off with my favorite lover, and spend a weekend in Anilao, Batangas, where the snorkeling is divine. There are those who don’t live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should I find myself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness, or insecurities, remember, you supposedly created them! Fuck, you’re probably one of them!

Should you decide to send this to one of your creatures, you know, a member of that species you call human, you’re wasting your time. You may have touched their life in ways they will never know, but you’ve done enough damage already.