Good laugh!

Peter Hartcher has another good article on the SMH today but I found this one by Peter Rodgers really entertaining, sharp and to the point.

When alliteration attacks
August 13, 2004

(Why Peter Rodgers thinks going to war on Iraq was bananas ...)

I now deeply regret putting my name to the petition of 43 criticising the Government's involvement in Iraq.

It's not because Paddy McGuinness called me an old fart. For in doing this he merely reinforced my concerns about lies in public places. McGuinness was born in 1938 and I first saw the world in 1946. So, that'll be young fart to you Mr Paddy.

It's not because Gerard Henderson and Michael Baume and a few others huffed and puffed and threatened to blow my house down (or perhaps up).

It's not because we were told we had no right to comment on matters we were not directly involved with. Which, incidentally, is why we rely on governments to level with us in the first place.

No, I regret it because my life has been hell ever since De-Anne Kelly described us as doddering daiquiri diplomats. Before that fateful day, my partner was content with a glass of orange juice in the morning. Now the call goes out for one of those daiquiri thing-a-me-bobs.

I've never made one in my life. I've only ever drunk a couple. And that was a long, long time ago. Given that I'm now a doddering post-modern neo-fart, how the hell am I supposed to remember what went into them? It's hard enough to spell, let alone to concoct.

Why did you do it, De-Anne? How could you be so cruel to those of us who can barely find their way to the kitchen in the morning? Was it the allure of the alliteration that so attracted you? Fair enough. But then why not drambuie drizzled dippos? Or muscat mellowed mandarins? Even cognac cognoscenti would have been easier to deal with.

But no, you had to be the clever one. It's your government that talks about valuing those of us of more mature years. Instead you taunt us with impossible recipes.

I've got news for you, though. Our profiles may be podgy, our prostates prominent, but our penchant for the profound persists. (Now that's what I call alliteration!)

So I've been doing a little research into this daiquiri business. And what do I discover? Often they're made with bananas. And where do bananas grow? Why, in Queensland, of course. And where do you come from?

So why weren't you honest with the Australian people? Why didn't you tell them that your daiquiri dig was a typically underhand way of promoting your electorate's interests? You knew that as the Iraq story unfolded there'd be an opportunity for Queensland banana growers. You've been saving this one up.

Got to hand it to you then. You've been prescient, persistent and patient. You understood all along that the real reason we went to war had nothing to do with the situation in Iraq or weapons of mass destruction. We went to war to promote bananas. Quite frankly, that's as good a reason as any I've seen. At least we know they exist.

I had a blast reading this!